A day in the life...

How do stay-at-home moms do it? I still haven't figured it out and I am supposed to be one. I've come to the conclusion that when you are home with me alone (MWF), I am not going to get any work done on the computer or around the house (sorry Doug). So, I am trying to develop some sort of routine. Here is how today went:

3:30am - You woke up screaming. Doug brought you to bed and we give you a bottle.
4:00am - You went back asleep.
5:30am - You wake up again screaming. One of us (no idea who) puts warm water in the bottle from the bathroom sink.
6:00am - You are back asleep.
7:00am - You wake up again screaming. I wake up, try to force you to drink more water, and put earplugs in to see if I can drown you out. It doesn't work. I think you have my lungs.
7:30am - We are up.
8:00am - I offer to take Doug to work just so he will buy me a cup of coffee. Yes, I am cheap.
9:00am - Put in your sign language dvd. This is the ONLY educational thing that will give me an hour to do my stuff. I make breakfast and feed you.
10:00am - get ready for walk.
10:30am - Walk with Max, Maile, and my neighbor Ellie, her kid and dog. Talk about husbands and children and the trouble they cause for 1 hour.
11:30am - home and prepare lunch
12:00pm - feed you (and myself standing up in the kitchen)
12:30pm - decide that you should learn his colors so we (I) draw for an hour and show you the different colored crayons and the sign for that color. You sit there and eat the crayons.
1:30pm - New approach. We go outside to draw with chalk on the deck. I draw. You dip the chalk in Maile's water bowl.
2:30pm - New game trying to teach you shapes. You get angry when you try to shove the shapes in the wrong hole. You scream and make me put the shapes in for you.
3:00pm - Back to food - can't go wrong with that.
3:30pm - I realize that I just have to kill 30 more minutes until I go to run errands. I lay on the carpet with you and occassionally run over to check my Facebook before you notice I'm on the computer.
4:00pm - Finally, time to go to FedEx and Microsoft.
5:15pm - Home and getting dinner ready.
6:15pm - feed you dinner. Doug and I eat standing up in the kitchen next to you. My laundry is all over the breakfast table.
6:45pm - Yes! Bath time! You get in bath and play for a good 20 minutes.
7:30pm - Arghhh... time to try and get you to sleep.
7:50pm - Yea! ASLEEP! Tonight it was quick.
8:45pm - finish Blog entry and go to sleep...

It's time to get a job :)

It's been 3 months...

It's been 3 months since the last blog entry, 1 month since you started walking, 2 weeks since I weened you off the tit, 1 day since you've been drinking cow milk and at least 15 months since I've had a solid night sleep. Those are the facts. Other facts are that you are a short, fat and big-headed toddler. You are 29 inches long putting you in the 25th percentile, 22lbs 7 ounces putting you in the 50th percentile and I don't remember how big your head is but it is in the 50th-75th percentile. I'm really not criticizing you, Bubba, just stating factual information... like, you will most likely eat 8 spiders in your lifetime (based on factual averages) and if you turn out to be right-handed, you will most likely live 9 years longer than the lefties do. Also your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks or it will digest itself . How crazy is that? I wonder if anyone has ever died because from their own stomach digesting them. Oh, and on average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents every day. Sometimes I wonder if that might have happened and then I look at your father and realize that at least one parent was involved in your conception. Although, it may be just as likely that aliens came down and gathered your father's sperm, combined it with an alien creature's egg and implanted it in my belly. I knew that knawing sensation was you trying to chew your way out. At least that is what happened to Bella when she conceived a half-vampire baby and then had to be turned into a vampire to survive the birth. Hmmm... maybe I've been reading to many vampire books.

Oh, yeah, this is supposed to be about you. So, you are walking around which is pretty cute. Though I can't say you have progressed much beyond that. You continue to try to eat the dog's food and only say Da Da (which gets you actually nowhere since he is not around all that much). If you knew what was good for you, you would learn to say, "Goddess mother, I love you so much more than that absentee father of mine" - just kidding Doug. But seriously, we've been working on your sign language (and by working, I mean you've been watching sign dvds) and all you do is clap your hands. For some reason you are confusing clapping with the sign for "finished" but everytime you do it you seem so proud of yourself that I have to congratulate you. What else... you have learned to play fetch which might make you on par with Maile since she refuses to play catch, but does go to the bathroom outside which you have yet to learn how to do. I suppose you spend what's left of the day playing with your weiner. Now that you have slimmed down enough to be able to see it, you have become obsessed. Yes, it is attached. Yes, it is stretchy. No, it will not come off. Yes, it is still there. Yes, it grows when you play with it. So many unsaid questions, so little time.

So, that's the update for now. More later this week... stay tuned.